Multicultural (With bonus links!)

Stop me if you've heard this one before:


So a guy walks into a computer store, glares at the cashier wearing an IDF shirt, and asks, "Killed any Palestinians lately?"


I had forgotten that the tragic war in the Middle East was an appropriate topic for heckling cashiers in front of other customers in the form of sarcastic jabs. The truth is, this shirt was a result of my being a dear customer to Miller's Military Surplus in Tucson, Arizona. But so many responses cropped up in my head...

• "Launched any homemade rockets at Israeli goats lately?"
• "Brainwashed any children lately?"
• "Smuggle any weapons into your country under the guise of Red Cross supplies despite a cease-fire agreement and public assurances that you're Pro-Peace lately?"
  
• "Started any inappropriate political commentary in public lately?"

Not that he's a terrorist or a criminal in any way, but really... he would have had to answer that last question with an embarrassingly resounding "Yes, sorry."

How Did They Get Into College?

So a man comes in holding a product from our store, price tag intact, box unopened. He asks me, "Do you have this?" So I ask him, "Didn't you buy that from us? That's our product."
And he tells me, "No, this is somebody else's."
So I show him where we keep these products on the shelf and explain that, yes, we do have them.


"How much are they?"


...you have it right there, in your hands, dude.

Upgrade Blues

You may buy an upgrade to XP, upgrade to Vista, or upgrade to Windows 7. I, of course, recommend Windows 7. And also, for some people, they still need to upgrade to XP. The only possible reason I would EVER condone "upgrading" to Vista, is if a customer held a gun to my head and asked me to suggest the worst upgrade option we had available. And even then, I would be hesitant.


And not that I don't like Vista, it's just a scientific fact that Windows 7 is better in EVERY FREAKING WAY. And, more importantly, customers hate Vista with a fiery passion I only usually see directed at people who make phone calls in movie theaters. So, if I somehow a customer buys a copy of Windows Vista from us, they will be back the next day, screaming and yelling and breathing fire.


And blaming us. How DARE we sell them Vista? (And of course, our firm NO RETURN policy only exasperates things). 


So what I'm trying to say is, I am VERY careful when it comes to helping customers choose an upgrade, because I'd rather spend my time not being yelled at. That being said, you already know where this is going...


Customer: I need an upgrade.
Me: Ok, what would you like to upgrade to?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: What kind of system do you have now?
Customer: Oh I don't know anything about computers. I don't know.
Me: Well, you need to find out before I can help you. Here are the three upgrades we have available, you probably either want the XP upgrade, or the Windows 7 upgrade.
Customer: I'll get Vista.
Me: You don't want Vista. I'd go with the Windows 7, instead. It's better.
Customer: Oh, ok. In that case, I'll take XP and Vista.
Me: Are you sure? Vista, instead of Windows 7?
Customer: Yeah, Vista. I need it.
Me: No, you don't, but I'll sell it to you anyway if you're absolutely sure you want it.
Customer: Yeah.
Me: Ok, here you go, have a nice day.
Customer: Wait, why did you sell me Vista? I need Office.
Me: Really? Are you positive this time?
Customer: No, I spend all day huffing paint and watching MTV, so I'm not really sure what I'm doing here at all.*


*This may be a slight exaggeration, but the point remains the same.


The lesson here, kids, is: BEFORE YOU GO INTO A STORE TO BUY STUFF, KNOW WHAT KIND OF GODDAMNED STUFF YOU WANT TO BUY!!