Me Want Break Rules!

Sometimes customers come in here, and you can tell right away that they are operating on another frequency. And since this is retail, it's not unusual to see a very wide variety of these "frequencies." But occasionally, things get a little extreme. Take today, for instance.

This guy was on such a low frequency, he appeared to have all the comprehension of a caveman trying to invent the wheel.

"This make less sense than MTV reality show!"

I waited, patiently, as he began an hour-long event to explain what he wanted to buy from us: "Uhhh... wn... dzzz...dffssss.... zzzzblduhh.... yuh." No, he didn't have a speech impediment. The fool just wasn't actually conscious -- I'm pretty sure he crawled in here and mumbled some nonsense by the sheer power of muscle spasms.

"Sir? Sir, it appears you were trying to order software while clinically dead. Sir?"

But I soldiered on, and attempted to decipher his sentence without making him speak anymore. For God's sake, I just watched my grandchildren grow up and go to college while his mouth was open. I deduced that he wanted Office 2007, based on the fact that he probably needs a program to type words since saying them out loud wasn't actually getting him anywhere in life. Luckily, I was correct. But here's the bad news:

"I already purchased a copy from y'all, but now I wants to git one fer mah friend!"

Sorry buddy, but your friend is gonna have to get off his lazy ass and get it himself. You just can't send a caveman to buy your software for you.

"Me wants new technology."

The Antivirus Strikes Again!

Customer: "What sort of antivirus do you have?"


Me: "Well the best deal we have here is called Forefront Client Security. It's $5 if you want it on a disk, or it's free to download from this website. Here, look at this bright orange sign that explains how you can either pay $5 for the disk, OR download it for free from this website. It's exactly what I told you, but in very clear writing."


Customer: "Only $5? I'll take that!"


Me: "Ok, here you go."


Customer: "Wait, you mean to tell me I could get the same thing for free?"


Me: "Yes, $5 on a disk or free to download. Just like the sign that you read said."


Customer: "I wish you'd told me that. That makes a big difference to a college student, you know. I could use that $5."


Me: "If you'd like, I can do a return and write down that web site for you to download it for free."


Customer: "Well if it's the same thing I'll just keep the disk."