We No Workie

Oddly enough, since this blog has gone up, I haven't heard a single occurrence of the trademark phrase, "It no workie!" The story behind this infamous exclamation goes like this:

1. Asian spends unhealthy amount of time asking questions and nitpicking a certain product.
2. Said customer continually disregards our responses and explanations.
3. Said customer finally decides to purchase the product, usually making it clear that they have neither the need for, or the capability or wherewithal to use it.
4. Said customer returns 20 minutes later, still puzzled out of their $#@!ing mind, cuts in line, holds the product over their head, and shouts, "IT NO WORKIE!"
5. We laugh incessantly at the "Engrish."

I have nothing against Asians. It's just that this happened SO OFTEN, it prompted the creation of the blog! I was hoping to post about it every time it happened, and then look back once I moved on from the computer store.

But alas, the Computer Store has been put on life support, and the university will pull the plug in the Summer of 2010. Due to some inexplicable need to rape the living @^%$# out of the student body's bank accounts, the university decided to outsource the Computer Store's responsibilities to a company called Follet, which manages the book store on campus. Bye bye, 90% educational discount! The university will now not only require students to purchase a $200 book for each class, but expensive software as well!

For a graphic design course, a student will pay $599 for an Adobe Creative Suite (and this is being generous -- full retail price is still higher!), and $200 for the book. And full price for a laptop, say, $1400 for a MacBook Pro capable of running the software.

The money issue is one thing. But we were lied to about this. We were told we were being moved, and not destroyed. And then even when the decision is made, they still did their best to keep us from finding out. So this is terrible. And unfortunately, the end result is going to be yet another surge in software piracy. Which is a shame, since it's not Adobe's or Microsoft's fault that the university isn't making an effort to equip students with educationally priced software. It's the university's fault! So I have six months or so left, while I watch my tuition money go to pay for steeply discounted computers for the university big wigs to play with. But when it comes time for ME to buy a new computer or new software (for schoolwork, not as a toy!), oh no, I'll have to pay full retail price at Follet's.

If you're a student at this university, I urge you to send scathing letters of disappointment to the president's office. I don't know who is responsible for this, but this is a disgusting and shameful example of how the university is beginning to treat students less like scholars, and more like cash crops. Thanks, university. Now, we no workie.

You're Welcome, Apple

Customer: "Hi, I'm interested in upgrading to Windows 7, but I don't really know how it's different from Windows Vista."


Me: "Well it has tons of great features, and I actually have two demos running on the computers over there. Feel free to play around and check it out!"


And yes, folks, that's when he walks up to the Apple iMac display, and exclaims,
"Wow, this is so cool! It looks nice! Oh AND it's running FoxFire!"


Me: "Huh? Firefox, you mean? Wait, no, that's an iMac. The Windows machines are HERE."

Madlibbing Customers

Some more fun with students trying to buy Microsoft products...

• "Hi, I'm here for the stuff, that, uh, Microsoft lets you bring home. And use. You know. For like, computers."

• "I'd like a copy of Micro...uh.. Offi... The Home and Stu... no... um... it's for a computer. That stuff you sell. I saw an advertisement."

• "Do you have any Microsofts left?"

• "I'd like the newest Windows 2000 please."

• "I need the latest Office Operating System to run my Windows. Wait, no I need the latest Operating System from Office so I can run my Microsoft. Yeah, I had it backwards, hahaha!"

Sorry, no, I wasn't laughing WITH you, there.

Bonus: These are actual quotes from the last week of November and December 1, 2009. Two of the people I had quoted came back, after realizing they bought the wrong thing after all.

My Flash Drive Is Broken

Here's what a flash drive is:
It's like another hard drive. But instead of being magnetic disks, it's a flash memory chip.
Or for you computer-illiterate cavemen out there, it's a magical box where the computer fairies keep your porn.

A computer fairy storing porn.

We sell them.


In fact, I sold a few today.


One guy bought one, and went right to the computer lab to use it. Not five minutes later, he was back, asking for an exchange, because his was clearly broken. I went over and checked it out. It couldn't be opened by double-clicking on it, sure, that's weird. But I could see he had stored files on it, and it could be opened by right-clicking and selecting "Explore." That's annoying, and most likely because of the way the computer lab's machine was set up. But the flash drive was clearly working.


(Translation for cavemen: Magical computer fairies GOOD!)


But in a last-ditch effort to prove to me that it was, in fact, broken beyond all repair... this guy tells me that he uses a complicated, highly specialized geology program, which needs to reference his proprietary geology files on the flash drive. And ever since he put those files on the flash drive, it wouldn't open by double-clicking, and now he has to waste like, a whole second, or something, to right-click it instead.


It workie, dude. Thank your fairies.